


Be the Glue that Holds me Together.

by kuriositet



Category: Bandom, My Chemical Romance
Genre: Fate, Guilt, M/M, Neighbors, Teen Romance, cool aunt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-09-25
Updated: 2012-09-25
Packaged: 2017-11-15 01:08:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,578
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/521466
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kuriositet/pseuds/kuriositet
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After losing his parents and moving in with his aunt, Frank meets Gerard who doesn't hesitate to start picking up the pieces and putting them back together again.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Be the Glue that Holds me Together.

**Author's Note:**

> Just something quick I wrote this weekend to fight the writer's block. Thanks to [Bonnie](http://archiveofourown.org/users/happilyappled) for the quick beta. Any remaining mistakes are my own.

Frank looks around the room curiously. He’s known Gerard for so long it seems, but still, this is the first time he’s been inside his apartment, despite the fact that they’re neighbors and that Gerard has been in Claire’s—and Frank’s—apartment several times. Not that Gerard has spent a lot of time there either, just coffee a few times, and dinner that time Claire had run into them both talking in the stairwell and invited Gerard in. Frank never thought of that as hanging out, and sitting on the stairs talking wasn’t hanging out either.

Today though, today Gerard had asked if Frank wanted to come over, if he wanted to hang out, and yes. Of course. Frank definitely wanted to. 

He had entered straight into the lounge, basically, and is now standing there, staring in awe at all the art covering the walls. There are paintings everywhere, except for where there’s a bookcase covering a piece of wall from floor to ceiling.

“Did you paint all of these?” Frank asks stupidly. He had known Gerard was an art student in college, that he spent most of his time painting, and that selling paintings paid some of Gerard’s rent. Gerard had told him that early on. Frank hadn’t expected there to be so many paintings right there, in the apartment, though. 

“Yeah,” Gerard says quietly. He’s hovering in the doorway to what Frank thinks is the kitchen, hands in his pockets and shoulders drawn up to his ears. He looks nervous, like he really cares about what Frank thinks. It’s such a huge difference from the Gerard Frank had first met, just a couple of weeks after he moved in with Claire five months ago.

Frank remembers it very clearly; he had been having one of his really bad days, the kind where he just wanted to go home, to see his dad again and hug his mom and tell them he loves them one last time. Claire was alright, she did her best and at least she was family and not some random foster family, but her apartment wasn’t home. The stairwell wasn’t home either, but it wasn’t supposed to be, so sitting there felt better. 

Gerard had come out of his door, a cigarette already dangling between his lips, and he had frowned when he passed Frank. “Why are you sitting on the stairs? Do you even live here?” 

Frank had looked up straight at him, not even bothering to hide his tear-streaked face as he answered. “Yeah, I live in there,” he had said quietly, nodding his head in the direction of the door opposite of the one Gerard had come out of. Gerard’s entire demeanor had changed in a matter of seconds, and that’s how Frank knew that Gerard must have heard, from Claire or another neighbor, the tragic tale of the suddenly orphaned teenager.

“You okay?” Gerard had asked quietly, and Frank had just shaken his head. “Wanna talk?” Frank had shaken his head again. Gerard had seemed to remember the cigarette in his hand, and with one last try he asked, “Want a smoke?” Frank could have laughed, because he did want one, and he realized he hadn’t smoked since he moved in with Claire. He hadn’t smoked since the funeral.

“Yeah. Yeah, I’d like that.” It had just started snowing when they stepped outside and Frank was freezing, wearing just a thin hoodie with a t-shirt under it. He hadn’t minded, though, because the smoke warmed him from inside and the way Gerard had looked at him in bewilderment and concern had warmed him on the outside.

That had been their first of many run-ins in the stairwell. And their first of many shared smokes, some of which Frank remembers especially well because it has been an unusually cold winter and some days just lighting the cigarettes had to be a joint effort because their hands and fingers were going numb. Frank remembers fingers brushing and fumbling to hold the lighter and Gerard standing so close the clouds of fog they were breathing out had merged into one as Gerard looked into his eyes, smiling with his teeth shattering.

Frank smiles remembering that; remembering how he had invited Gerard in for some hot chocolate afterwards. He remembers feeling guilty about being even remotely happy too, about liking Gerard. His parents were dead, and he was making friends. It just didn’t seem right to him.

“Penny for your thoughts?” Gerard says softly from behind him, pulling Frank back to the present with the same line he always delivered whenever he had found Frank sitting in the stairwell sunk into deep thought.

“Just happy that winter’s over and that spring is here.” He feels Gerard’s hand on his back, just below the nape of his neck, and he presses back into it for a moment before turning to face Gerard. He’s surprised by how close they end up, and takes half a step back. “And how talented you are. These paintings are amazing.”

Frank gestures around the room, but Gerard’s eyes don’t leave him. Gerard opens his mouth like he wants to say something, but then he closes the distance between them instead and brings his mouth down against Frank’s.

Frank stops breathing. Actually, he stops moving altogether. Only his eyelids fall shut just a fraction of a second after Gerard’s lips touch his, and then he stays exactly like that for God knows how long, until Gerard pulls back. Frank snaps his eyes open, and before Gerard can open his mouth to apologize, Frank has leaned forward and closed the gap again. Gerard’s hands cup Frank’s cheeks this time, and Frank hooks his fingers around Gerard’s elbows, just holding him there.

Frank lets out a soft sigh, fully relaxing into Gerard, who takes that as a sign to deepen the kiss and stepping in closer into the embrace. His arms wrap around Frank’s waist, pulling him flush against Gerard’s body, and Frank responds by licking gently into Gerard’s mouth and putting his arms around Gerard’s neck. They break off for a few gasping breaths every now and then, but they don’t really stop kissing; they keep nuzzling each other’s faces, kissing wherever they can reach until their mouths find one another again.

Frank feels like hours have passed when Gerard draws back and rests his forehead against Frank’s, panting a little but grinning stupidly and looking into Frank’s eyes. “Are you okay?”

Frank’s heart is hammering so hard in his chest he feels dizzy with it, and it’s all a bit overwhelming, but he’s good. “Yeah,” he says, so quietly it’s almost a whisper. “I’m great.” Gerard beams at him and kisses him quickly before pulling him into a tight hug. This kind of hug isn’t new to them; Gerard always hugs him like this when Frank breaks down, when the sadness becomes too much, when the guilt of still being alive when his mom and dad are not eats him alive. It’s like Gerard holds him together.

Frank can’t really pinpoint the time that he really fell for Gerard, but he knows that he was hoping for something to happen when he had come out to Claire three months ago. He had told his parents that he liked guys just a few months before they died, because he had wanted to take a guy in his French class to Homecoming. The guy, Danny, had said yes, but then backed out the day before the dance. His parents had been great about the whole thing. He never went to the dance, but spent the evening hanging out with his parents. 

He hadn’t known if Claire already knew or not, if his mother had maybe told her sister, but he figured that finding that out sooner rather than later would be good. He hadn’t known how she’d react, but she reacted just like his parents; she didn’t have much of a reaction at all. She just asked if there was anyone he liked. He had said no because the idea of liking anyone still made his stomach churn with guilt. He had been thinking of Gerard, though.

Claire is working a late shift at the hospital so Frank can stay at Gerard’s for a while. They order pizza and curl up on the extremely soft couch to watch a movie. Frank sits with his head against Gerard’s chest, listening to his steady heartbeat while Gerard runs his fingers through Frank’s hair methodically until Frank falls asleep.

He wakes up to Gerard shifting under him and feels disoriented for a moment, not recognizing the feeling of Gerard’s arm around him or the room he’s in, but then he remembers as Gerard buries his nose in Frank’s hair and whispers, “Sorry, I didn’t mean to wake you.”

“It’s okay,” Frank says. He sits up a little straighter and Gerard looks momentarily confused before Frank curls his fingers around Gerard’s head and pulls him in for a kiss. Kissing Gerard is pretty high on Frank’s list of favorite things to do. They get a little carried away and soon they’re lying down on Gerard’s couch, Gerard on top of Frank, making out like their lives are depending on it. Frank is panting a little, sometimes letting out soft little moans he hopes Gerard can’t hear, and is definitely hard in his pants. 

Gerard kisses down Frank’s neck, biting down gently, and Frank whines and bucks up. He blushes and hopes that Gerard won’t see it, but of course that’s when Gerard pulls back, hands supporting him on either side of Frank’s head as Gerard looks down upon him. He makes himself meet Gerard’s eyes and lifts a hand to the side of Gerard’s face, strokes his cheek before tugging him down for another kiss. He can feel Gerard’s hard-on against his thigh and licks into his mouth again and again, wanting to feel and taste and _know_ more of Gerard.

Gerard pushes himself up again though, and Frank huffs impatiently. “Sorry, it’s just. I was thinking that we should maybe stop.” Gerard is biting his lip and it’s fucking adorable and Frank sighs, but he knows Gerard is right. Frank knows that it’s for him.

Frank thinks about the first time he had really known for certain that Gerard was interested in him. It had been about three months after Gerard and he first met in the stairwell and it had been one of those terribly cold days when they had been outside, smoking. It was rather windy too so they had to cup their hands around the cigarettes together when they lit them, and after, when the smokes were lit, Gerard had taken Frank’s hand and held it.

Gerard had said some things, almost holding a little speech, but Frank can’t remember it all exactly. He just knows there was something about him being a few years younger than Gerard, and him being in a weird place emotionally after losing his parents, and that Gerard didn’t really expect anything, but that he’d love to go out with Frank some time. On a date.

Frank had been surprised and overwhelmed and he hadn’t had a single clue of what to say. He wanted to say yes, he wanted to scream it from the rooftops actually, because he was maybe already a little crazy about Gerard, but Gerard was right. He was seventeen and Gerard was twenty-one. He had just lost his parents and some days he missed them so much and felt so guilty that he couldn’t even leave his bed. Gerard had become his lifeline here because it was a new town and a new school where he still hadn’t made any real friends.

“Gerard, I…” he had started, and Gerard had looked away, let go of his hand, and taken a few deep drags of his cigarette.

“It’s okay, Frank. You don’t have to explain.”

“No, Gerard, you’re… I just… I want to.” Gerard had finally looked at him again, and Frank had exhaled deeply. “I just need some more time.” Gerard had nodded and smiled, taking Frank’s hand in his again and squeezing it hard. 

“That’s okay. That’s good. I just, I wanted you to know, you know?” Gerard said in such obvious relief that Frank couldn’t help the laughter bubbling up in his throat.

“Yeah.” Then Gerard had grabbed Frank by his scarf and pulled him close and kissed him and Frank couldn’t stop smiling. He thought of it as his first real kiss with a guy. He had made out with a few girls at parties last year, and he had kissed Danny, the guy he wanted to take to Homecoming, a few times, but they had been quick and chaste. There was nothing quick and chaste about the way Gerard’s lips moved with his on that cold March day.

It had been their only kiss up until today, though. Gerard had been a complete gentleman, not asking anything of Frank, but being there whenever Frank needed him, and waiting for Frank to let him know when they could have their date. Frank brought it up yesterday, suggesting that they could go out this weekend, and Gerard had asked if Frank would like to just hang out at his place because he was a little short on cash at the moment and couldn’t take Frank out to dinner and a movie like he wanted.

Frank looks up at Gerard now and thinks that this couldn’t have been any more perfect.

That’s when Frank’s phone rings in his pocket and Gerard is so shocked he falls sideways off the couch, and Frank bursts out laughing as he digs out his phone and sees that it’s Claire before answering.

“Hey midget, where are you?” she asks, using the same nickname she’s been using since he was five.

“I’m just over at Gerard’s. I’ll be home in just a little bit, okay?” Frank says, trying not to laugh as he looks down at Gerard on the floor. He’s rubbing his head, looking miserable, but pushes himself up off the floor using the couch and the coffee table.

“Okay. Try not to get lost on your way home,” Claire says, because she’s hilarious, and hangs up. Gerard has disappeared into the kitchen with the dishes, and Frank follows him and wraps his arms around Gerard’s waist when he finds him by the sink. He stands up on the tips of his toes and kisses the back of Gerard’s neck softly, letting his lips linger there.

“Thank you for tonight,” he whispers and Gerard turns around, catching his mouth in a deep kiss. Frank presses as close as he can, and notes that his hard-on has gone down, as well as Gerard’s, which is probably for the best. “I wish I could stay longer,” he whispers when Gerard pulls back and pushes a strand of loose hair behind Frank’s ear.

“Some other time then,” Gerard replies, and Frank grins.

“Tomorrow?”

“Yeah.”

 

Claire is in the living room with a glass of red wine and a romance novel when Frank gets back, which is her usual routine after a night shift at the hospital. Being an ER nurse, she says she has to wind down properly before even thinking about sleeping, or she’ll be awake all night thinking about all the patients she saw and wonder if she did everything she could for them.

“Hey,” Frank says, grabbing the back of an armchair and wondering whether he should just go to his room or if he should stay and let Claire ask uncomfortable questions. 

“Anything you want to tell me, midget?” she asks before Frank gets a chance to leave. Frank just stands there, mouth hanging open, not knowing what to say, when she saves him by continuing. “I’m gonna take that as a sign that your date went well.” She smiles, and Frank exhales a deep breath. 

“I’m happy for you, kid. Just don’t do anything stupid, like something you’re not ready for. I know he’s older than you so he might expect things, but never think you have to do something just to please him.”

“Claire, oh my God, just shut up.”

“I’m just saying!” she insists. “And I had my suspicions earlier, so I got you some condoms from the free clinic at work. They’re in the kitchen.” Frank turns a very dark shade of red; it doesn’t matter that he knows she just means well and that she is a nurse so it’s no big deal for her. He’s still embarrassed to talk about sex with his aunt.

“Thanks,” he finally manages to squeak out, staring down at the chair he’s still holding the back of, so tightly his knuckles are turning white. 

“You’re welcome,” Claire says, and then returns to her romance novel so Frank takes it as his cue to leave. He's just reached his bedroom door when he hears her voice again, and stops with his hand on the handle. “Frank, I’m sure your parents would be really happy for you.”

Frank smiles, because he’s sure she’s right. He enters his room and goes straight to sit down on the floor in front of his nightstand and reaches out to straighten one of the picture frames on it. His mother smiles back at him from it, and when he looks at the other one, his dad is smiling just as wide. Frank can’t help but grin as he starts telling them about his day and about Gerard, and for once he doesn’t feel guilty for still being alive when his parents are not.

He thinks about the day it happened. He thinks about how he knew they were coming to pick him up from Ray’s house, about how he should have just waited for them to get over there, or how he should have at least called them to let them know he got a ride with Dewees. He remembers coming home to the empty house, doing his homework while he waited for Mom and Dad to come home so they could have dinner. He remembers half expecting them to call and yell at him for not being at Ray’s house when they got there, but they never did.

Instead, he got a call from the hospital. Not Claire’s hospital; another one, in another town. His parents hadn’t stood a chance. They had died instantly, the doctors told Frank. They hadn’t suffered. Frank wanted to believe them, but couldn’t help thinking that that was just something the doctors said to make you feel better. Frank didn’t feel better. He only felt worse and worse, thinking that he should have been in that car with them, that they shouldn’t have been in that car at all, that if he had just called them and said not to pick him up…

Everyone told him not to feel guilty. Everyone said that he shouldn’t think about it like that, that it wasn’t his fault. Gerard was the only one who ever tried to look at it from a different perspective. 

“Maybe it was just meant to happen?”

“You mean like fate? I don’t believe in that,” Frank had replied, sitting on the stairs, not looking at Gerard who was standing in front of him, a few steps down. 

“Think about it this way: maybe they were supposed to die, and you weren’t. So if you had called them, they wouldn’t have died that day in that car crash, but something else might have happened.“

“But what if I had been in the car with them? I would have died too, and I wouldn’t be here today. I wouldn’t have met you. Fate doesn’t explain that.” 

“Sure it does. If you had been there, maybe the accident wouldn’t have happened, or you would have magically survived. Because fate wanted you here.” Frank had looked up at Gerard who was smiling a little.

“To meet you?” Gerard had looked a bit flushed for a moment, but gathered himself soon enough.

“Maybe. I’m just saying you weren’t meant to die. But maybe it was just your parents’ time to go. So don’t feel guilty for still being alive. Fate is nothing you can control.”

“I could have come here without them dying, though. I could have still met you, if I was visiting Claire,” Frank had said, standing up and looking at Gerard. “They didn’t have to die.”

“I know.” Gerard had stepped closer and Frank had let himself be embraced. Gerard had smelled good, like cigarettes and fruity shampoo, and he had held Frank close. “They shouldn’t have died. But they did and there’s nothing you can do about it. You can just live your life and make them proud. And I know you will.”

Frank doesn’t know if he believes in fate, or any other theory like that God just wanted his parents with him again. He doesn’t know what to believe, he just knows that Gerard was right about making his parents proud, and that’s what he’s going to do.

The guilt still hits him every now and then, but Frank is sure that from now on, Gerard is going to be there to remind him that no one blames him, especially his parents. Gerard is going to remind him that all he has to do is be happy, and Frank thinks he can manage that. As long as he’s got Gerard.


End file.
